11 Months and Counting

[I started this post last week on Drake's 11 month birthday. It just took me until today to get back to it.]

I realized this morning that it was 11 months ago today that Drake was born. I can't believe it has been that long and at the same time I have to really think about it to remember what life was like before he came along. Brittany showed me the scrapbook she recently brought up to date and I couldn't believe all the different firsts and transitions that have happened.

One thing I will probably never hold myself out to be is a parenting expert. I'll leave that to those who have more experience. The following is, however, a list of a few things I've learned and would share with new parents or those who someday will be (these are in no particular order):

- Real wood furniture. I decided (for what reason I don't really remember, probably some nonsense about it being the way we do it "where I'm from") that we should buy baby furniture that was all solid wood. I just had this feeling its likelihood of survival was better. This meant we had to buy the crib one place and then go find the rest elsewhere. This took some work, more shopping than I wanted to do, but we ended up with some solid furniture at a similar price. 11 months in and I can confirm the drawers would already be in great peril if we had gone with some of the lighter weight stuff we passed on.

- Car Seats. No one ever mentioned to me that the infant carrier that we scrutinized and agonized over would only last Drake about 9 months, but the second seat we would eventually need would be with us for a couple of years (at least). All I'm saying is keep this in mind when deciding how much time and money to put into the first one. Protect your kid, don't buy a Mercedes.

- Opinions. Everyone has an opinion... I have learned that most people - particularly parents - have very strong opinions about certain things. I don't know if it's because we're insecure about our own choices, but we seem to have a need to convince others that the way we did it is THE right way. This runs the gamut from diapers to feeding to schedules to whether mom goes back to work. While I'll be happy to share with you THE RIGHT WAY to do all of these things, what you really need to do is figure out what is the best thing for your family and move on with it. When others offer input, listen politely, in some cases they will offer truly valuable insight. But don't ever feel pressured to do something because someone important to you thinks it is the way it should be done. Think about it, entire generations not only survived, but enjoyed full lives having been formula fed as well as having been nursed. Lots of people came out of cloth diapers just fine and many have done well with disposables. Some families have thrived on set schedules (ask my wife) and others needed less structure. I'll leave the mom back to work issue out for fear of the backlash I'll get from some combination of NOW and Dr. James Dobson. My point is that every family and every situation is different. Anyone that looks down on you simply because you made different choices than they did needs to check their ego, they are out of line.

- Baby Wise. My wife is a teacher. She believes deeply in education. So you can imagine that before the Drakerster came along we were (really, she was) well read. Mostly I got to just listen to her tell me the important stuff, but when it came to a book called On Being Baby Wise (usually just referred to as Baby Wise) she insisted that I read it. For the record, I finished it a solid 8 hours before Drake was born. Whether you ascribe to this theory on parenting or not, I'll offer a couple of observations.

1. The key point is really that the baby is joining your family and God never intended that they enter the world as CEO. What this means is that to some extent you as the parent(s) need to help the new one learn to adjust to life in your family. For us that means Drake hits the gym at 4:30 every morning. For you that may mean something else. [In case you didn't catch it, the comment about Drake going to the gym was entirely a joke.]

2. They tell you to work toward getting baby on a consistent daily pattern of feeding, having wake time, and sleeping (in that order). What they don't tell you is how to get it started. It turns out that what you have to do is pick a start time for each day (and choose carefully, you are likely to be stuck with your choice for months once the kid adjusts to it) and then go through your cycle. Things may get off schedule, but you start the next day at the same time. In a matter of a few days to a couple of weeks the kid will adjust and start waking up when you want him/her to.

3. On more than one cold winter day I wanted to throw that stupid book out the backdoor. I even visualized whether I could throw it far enough to clear the trees and get it out of my yard so I didn't have to go out and pick it up later. A couple of days later Drake suddenly got it, started doing what we were wanting him to do and within a couple of weeks was sleeping 7 hours at night (which, by the way, is generally the definition of "sleeping through the night" and can be accomplished by week 9). A month after that we were sleeping 10+ hours at night. Yes, Jayson, I'm pretty sure he's an Achiever, he's too willing to ignore us telling him "no" to be a Persistor base.

- Dad involvement. My sense is that the culture has shifted back and forth on this. From what I can tell, when I was a baby not that many dad's were heavily involved in taking care of babies. Now some are and some aren't. While I certainly defer to my wife when it comes to how to handle Drake's care, for me it has been important not only to learn how to take care of him (so that I could when that was necessary or simply to give Brittany a break), but also so that I could begin to bond with him early on. I would encourage prospective new fathers not to shy away from taking a turn feeding (as applicable), changing, etc., but there again, that's my opinion.

- Hold on tight. No rocket science here. Just know that you're in for a wild ride, one that may be exhausting and frustrating at times, but there's nothing like it (that I've experienced). Enjoy as much of it as you can (let's be honest, up all night sucks I don't care how cute the kid is), the little one will be walking before you know it.