Valentine's Day

I wasn't sure where this post would go at first. I thought I might decry the commercialization of Valentine's Day (the second most exploited holiday on the modern calendar in my opinion - Christmas being first). I thought about giving some history of Valentine's Day, but the History Channel has that covered.

Instead this is a PSA for guys. So ladies, please pardon me while I speak to the guys for a few minutes.

Consider this simply some friendly advice as you approach Valentine's Day next week.

1. While it is ridiculous and tragic that we have resorted to buying stuff for our significant others, because we're no longer capable of expressing our emotions in spoken or even personally written form, be smart and take care of your special lady next Wednesday. I don't care if you think it's dumb, suck it up and make dinner reservations, buy flowers and/or candy, or whatever else you need to do to communicate that you care about her. This is particularly important if you aren't good with words or have gotten involved with a female who is either prone to the gifts love language or is just materialistic.

2. Number 1 is not optional, nor is it a battle worth fighting. While I'd rather save the money, tell my wife I love her and be done with it, I don't want to sleep on the couch. Taking a philosophical stand is great, but be practical and measure the certain costs (of being on her bad side) against the potential gains (not sure what those would be in this case).

3. Find some meaningful way to express how you feel to your wife/fiance/girlfriend/girl-you-want-to-date. I don't care if you have to steal it from a book or other source (no penalty for plagarizing when it comes to expressing emotions to a lady), she will remember what you say from the heart longer than the flowers or candy will last. If you're uncomfortable too bad. This is easily the most meaningful of the first three suggestions I'm giving you here. Only number 4 (below) can compare.

4. Diamonds - Now this is serious business. If there is one thing that can neutralize a woman and give you the upper hand (if only for a moment) it's a diamond. Think about it. Let's see the hands of all the guys who showed their now wife or fiance a diamond ring right before asking her to marry him. It's a diversionary tactic. Show her some "ice" (that can be hers if she says yes) and then pop the question. She will be momentarily stunned and is likely to agree to anything. Did you really think you were so cool that she would have said yes under normal circumstances? Sorry to burst your bubble. This tactic can work at times other than the marriage proposal, but must be used wisely and you should start with a small diamond, because each time you do this you'll have to come up with a bigger rock (or collection of rocks) to succeed. It's kind of like a drug habit, each time it takes more to get the same high (or so the experts tell us). So if you have been wanting to get your wife to agree to something she normally wouldn't - such as letting you spend thousands on performance parts for your car - blind her with a diamond on Valentine's Day and slip that one in during the confusion. Of course you won't be able to afford the parts after the diamond, but at least you'll have her on the record agreeing to it. You might want to record the incident so she can't deny it later.

Guys, good luck. If you get in trouble on Wednesday I hate to say it, but you're on your own. We'll all be doing our best and won't have time to rescue you. It's kind of like when you're playing pickup basketball and get stuck guarding the other team's top scorer. You're doing all you can to keep the guy in front of you, helping double someone else is pretty much out of the question. It's not that we don't want to help a fellow man in distress, we've just go all we can handle with our own Valentine.