Small Group - Round 2

Our small group met again this week and began talking about dealing with fights and conflicts within our relationships - with friends, family, etc.

As we tore into this topic it became clear it wasn't something that could be adequately explored in one session. So we split the topic into two parts. This week we dealt with what the Bible had to say about situations where one person sins against another and how we are to deal with that from both sides.

Instances where one person wrongs another are somewhat more straight forward in the way Jesus instructed us to deal with one another. In Matthew 18 (verses 15-20), He lays out a very specific way that believers should address situations where they have been wronged.

Specifically He instructed us to first attempt to resolve the matter between just the two parties involved. If that is unsuccessful, a second attempt should be made with the help of one or two other people as witnesses to the situation. If that too fails, Jesus instructs us to bring the matter before "the church".

We talked about the ramifications of taking a matter before the congregation and wondered whether the word "church" in that context referred to a large corporate body or perhaps to either a smaller "house church" setting or the leadership of a larger body. My lack of knowledge regarding the original languages of scripture left me in the dark.

Jesus goes on to say that if the confrontation before the church fails to resolve the matter, the offender is to be treated as a pagan or tax collector. My interpretation there is that the person is not to associated with - as that was the common practice in Jewish society at that time.

While that paints a harsh picture, the very next scene in Matthew 18 (verses 21-22) is where Peter asks the famous question about how many time shall I forgive my brother? And Jesus tells him seventy-seven (or seventy times seven).

Our discussion seemed to center around a couple of thoughts when it comes to a situation where we are the one who has been wronged.

First, Jesus placed responsibility for addressing the matter directly with the person we believe wronged us on us.

Second, we are to forgive as many times as a person seeks it and in light of Matthew 6:14-15 our forgiveness from God is dependent on whether we forgive others.

Third, there comes a time, while we must forgive a person, we may have to choose no longer to allow that person the opportunity to hurt us. Forgiveness doesn't equal tolerance or enablement.

Next we turned to the reverse situation, one in which we have wronged our brother. In Matthew 5:23-24 Jesus gives instructions when we realize we have wronged someone to drop what we're doing - even if we're "at the alter" - and go to our brother to seek forgiveness. Clearly Jesus was placing responsibility on the part of the offender to seek reconciliation and to do so immediately.

The significance of the setting Jesus placed this scenario in (a person offering a gift at the alter to God) is big, because to the people who would have heard him say these words nothing trumped activities in the Temple. Jesus was sending a clear message that righting wrongs is a priority. We also discussed the fact that when we have knowingly done wrong to someone we cannot truly worship.

All in all, this was a fairly practical discussion that hit pretty close to home for all of us. It's not something anyone likes to have to put into practice (from either side), but is pretty straight forward in scripture.

Next week we'll move on to situations where two people have legitimate disagreements - that don't necessarily involve one sinning against another - and what scriptural examples show us about dealing with those situations.