You Might Be In Vegas When...

(Top observations from our trip, these are in no particular order)

...The Hooters' billboards are the least graphic thing you've seen.

...There is a casino in the grocery store (and one guy is faithfully playing slots).

...Panda Express is on every corner (almost like Waffle House in the south).

...There are no water fountains and vendors won't serve ice water (see below about lunch at Subway) - so that you have no choice but to buy the $3 bottle of water.

...Pregnant women can smoke and drink on the street without anyone really taking note or saying anything about it.

...The obnoxious guy (college-age) riding the bus who is talking too loudly on his cell phone seems serious about leaving the guy next to him - who he reports is passed out drunk - on the bus when he gets off.

...You walk into a casino and realize something is different from all the others, but it takes a minute to figure out that the difference is the lack of smoke in the air.

...Lunch for 2 at Subway costs $21 - (one 12-inch, one 6-inch, one bag of chips, and one very overpriced bottle of water since apparently the tap water is contaminated).

...The bargain joint in the labyrinth of a casino you're lost in (the Venetian) charges $40 for what should run $20 or less. (Editor's note: The food was very good, but a small plate of penne with some sort of tomato sauce should not cost that much)

...Your wife suddenly has the desire to hike for several miles to see every possible attraction...and then go back because she didn't get to spend enough time looking around the one furthest from your hotel.

..."Where are you from?" or "Will you be in town tonight?" are the first line in a sales pitch for something you don't need and can't afford.

...The sound of cardboard slapping against the palm of a hand is the first indicator that a pimp or some other unsavory person is trying too hand you a card with info about a prostitute, stripper, or escort on it.

...There is an oxygen bar in every building - isn't oxygen a component of what we breath anyway? However did we survive all these centuries without paying for colored oxygen? And seriously, why is the oxygen colored? I'm not sure I want my lungs turning orange (I love OSU, but that's extreme). Here's an idea. Save yourself $20, go to the gym and exercise. Your body will have no choice but to increase the oxygen count in your blood stream.

...Breakfast at 3am is the norm.

...Someone says, "I'm awake, give me a beer." (Note: I never heard anyone say this, but did see lots of people ordering all sorts of drinks circa 10am, which I found amazing since the same people probably only went to bed around 2am the night before. If you ask me, that's hard core.)

...Roller Coasters are $12.50/person/ride...and the only exit is through the gift shop.

...T-shirts are $28.00...and they sell.

...Everyone wears a two-piece to the pool...whether they should or not.


I got some help on some of these from my wife. The casino in the grocery store one was totally hers.